


In Which Bruce Exploits The Hulk

by MsDamia, tiziano



Series: Coulson's Headache [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Apple Pie and Steve Rogers should always go together, BAMF Nick Fury, BAMF Phil Coulson, Bruce uses a very Green excuse, Darcy being BAMF, Gen, If Coulson is nervous you probably should be too, maybe a tiny bit cracked, mentions of Jane Foster - Freeform, never underestimate the power of food, team work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-01
Updated: 2014-03-04
Packaged: 2018-01-14 03:40:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1251424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsDamia/pseuds/MsDamia, https://archiveofourown.org/users/tiziano/pseuds/tiziano
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A suspicious absence leads Phil to the Avengers Tower where he interrogates, and in turn is interrogated by, the wrong person. This leads to early morning visits, a few much needed changes in the Initiative, and guarding the flank, as it were.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter the First: A Suspicious Absence.

“Where is Dr. Banner?” Phil turned an expectant gaze on each of the Avengers in turn. Steve wouldn’t meet his eyes, Tony was doing his best to look innocent, Thor was looking to Natasha for guidance, and Natasha was staring back at Phil without any expression at all. Clint’s absence was understandable, he was getting stitches at medical and would join them in due course. Unless, of course, he tried to get away from the SHIELD field doctors and they felt the need to sedate him. Again. 

His exuberance at the prospect of an actual mission to stem the tide of tedium which had washed over him was understandable, however, Clint had still made sure to check with Coulson that he would not have to fill out the mission reports all on his own. Apparently the lesson of three weeks ago had stuck with the other man. Coulson had assured the archer he would only need his eyes-on assessment of things, as was usual, and the archer had happily thrown himself head first at a giant lizard with a spiked tail. Coulson had anticipated such rashness and thus the field medics awaiting the end of the fight. 

“Agent Romanov?” Phil turned his gaze to her, locking eyes and waiting patiently. She didn’t believe in giving away information and he could appreciate it. She did, however, believe in following orders. Well, she followed the orders of those who outranked her and whom she had some measure of respect for. The list was short, but Phil was on it. 

“Dr. Banner felt he did not have full control of his emotions as yet and has sequestered himself in the Green Room.” She informed him quickly. Phil continued to stare into her eyes without changing his expression for a few long moments as his mind raced. There was something here he was missing and the team all knew. He did not like being kept out of the loop, it lead to unknown reactions and things he could not plan for. Phil, above all else, was a Planner. 

“Alright.” He nodded and turned his attention to the rest of the table. “Captain, you were first on scene.” He began to pick apart the mission with a surgeon's precision and tucked his concern for Dr. Banner further back in his mind to be looked into later.


	2. Chapter the Second: Phil Interrogates The Wrong Person.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A meeting of minds ... sort of ... with food.

“I am immune to your amorous advances, Ms. Lewis.” Phil informed the curvy brunette, staring down at her with a hint of fondness in his eyes. It was enough to make many agents, those level four and below for the most part, pause and possibly fear the curvy brunette just a little bit when they were in SHIELD facilities. Thankfully they were in Stark Industries, or the Avengers Tower depending on who you asked, at the moment. 

“Son of Coul, you wound me! If I was trying, you’d be a puddle at my feet.” Darcy smiled, white teeth flashing brightly from parted red lips as the elevator came to a stop and the two disembarked. 

“I’m sure I would.” Phil nodded once, choosing to humor her. Darcy Lewis; an enigma wrapped in a package of curves and wicked one liners. So far the only person she seemed completely loyal to was Dr. Jane Foster. Thankfully, Foster was seemingly completely in love with Thor and therefor Lewis was on the same side as SHIELD, theoretically, at the moment. The girl was not someone who would have ever touched SHIELD’s watch lists before the Puente Antiguo incident. A seven year college student due to constantly changing majors, no known affiliations with gangs or political entities, no questionable activities or hobbies. Her SAT score had been extremely high, but she’d been an average high school student with average grades and a bad home life. 

Then, when they’d written her off as little interest, she’d hacked the New Mexico DMV system and created a false identity for an alien prince. She’d done it quickly, quietly, and managed to ruin Foster’s ex-boyfriend’s credit score while she was at it; and no one had a clue she was capable of doing such a thing before that time. It was intriguing as much as it was concerning. She was very good at seeming perfectly average in most respects until something needed done, then she morphed into something entirely different. SHIELD had attempted to recruit the young woman, but she’d laughed them off and stayed at her friend’s side. It was like she’d been waiting for something to inspire her all her life, and that something ended up being a feisty astrophysicist with size 5 shoes. Lewis had finished her final credits for a Bachelors in Political Science from Culver (and six different Associates degrees which had nothing to do with Political Science). Now she ran Avenger’s Tower and it’s occupants with a smile and the promise of pain should anyone cross her or her people. She was why Phil was in the tower, should he have questions regarding one of his team, she was the most likely to know the answers. 

“You’re here about Bruce, right?” Darcy asked as she led him to the kitchen. This had become the hub of the tower and the place where Darcy ruled supreme. One of her myriad of degrees was in the Culinary Arts. How she knew what he wanted was a deduction he might want to pick apart so he could understand her better, but he didn’t have the time at the moment. 

“Dr. Banner has missed the last three mission debriefs and has cancelled two other appointments in the last month.” Phil told her, sitting down on a swivel stool and folding his arms on the counter as he watched her start pulling things from the fridge. You didn’t come to see Darcy with a full stomach, she liked to feed people and the less you ate the more she ignored your questions and seemed to turn up her interrogation techniques. 

“I thought it was four appointments?” Darcy turned, cocking a single eyebrow at him. 

“Two were rescheduled.” Phil responded immediately. Darcy nodded and went back to the fridge. She didn’t say anything for a long time, instead she started chopping vegetables and tossing them in a frying pan, letting them sizzle before adding fresh lime and cilantro. A little later she added shrimp, one of Phil’s favorites. 

“Bruce has a slightly varied set of priorities in comparison to the rest of the team.” Darcy informed Phil as she put a bed of greens on two plates before splitting the shrimp medley between the two. She picked up the two plates and walked over to the breakfast nook, setting them down and taking a seat as Phil took one across from her. 

“I simply find it curious that someone who has such personal control while working with a man such as Tony Stark has been having such a hard time recently.” Phil explained, taking a bit of his salad. 

“He’s human, he has his ups and downs just like everyone else.” Darcy blithely shoved aside his concerns with a bright smile and took another bite of her salad. 

“My concern is the number of “downs” which seem to have been occurring of late.” Phil pushed on calmly, noting the sudden vaguely feral twist to her smile which appeared. 

“Your concern is touching, I’m sure. However, if you _are_ as concerned as you say, I suggest you take it up with Bruce himself. Perhaps you can convey to him that SHIELD cares a great deal for more than just the greener side of him.” She continued, her eyes staring into his. Again, he gave himself a moment to ponder the angles of Ms. Lewis. Her threat assessment went up a touch every time they needed to discuss something of a serious nature. He also knew the suggestion meant she was not going to divulge what she knew until she had discussed Phil’s questions with Dr. Banner. Or possibly until Phil had done as she had requested. 

“This is delicious.” Phil told her, pointing his fork to the food. 

“Thank you.” Her smile turned bright and her eyes went wide and unassuming. He was reasonably sure she was truly happy with his compliment, but he was never quite sure if he could believe her moods. He would need to talk to Bruce without Ms. Lewis.

“You’re welcome.” Phil nodded and dug back into his lunch. They spoke of their favorite reality TV shows as the finished their lunch and then Darcy picked up their empty plates and took them to the sink. 

“Email me when you plan to come talk to Bruce.” She told him, her face a calm mask as she stared at him. Phil nodded once and turned to head back to the elevator and make his way to his own office. She wanted him in the tower to speak to Dr. Banner. Was that because she wanted JARVIS monitoring the conversation, or because she would be able to make Dr. Banner keep the appointment? And wasn’t that a vaguely disconcerting thought, Darcy Lewis making the Avengers do as she asked them to. He felt the throbbing in his temple begin, he should probably stock up on ibuprofen again.


	3. Chapter the Third: Early Morning Visitations.

“Good morning, Dr. Banner.” Phil smiled pleasantly from his position behind Bruce’s desk. He’d emailed Darcy and let her know he’d be in some time today. Of course he’d emailed her at 3am and knew she wouldn’t be in until well after 8. Bruce generally started his day at about 6 so that left plenty of time for a chat. 

“Uh … hello Agent Coulson,” the man nodded, his body turned sideways and his eyes not fixing on the man himself. Dr. Banner very rarely caught anyone’s gaze with his own, not because he was being submissive, but because he didn’t want to give anyone else the opportunity to believe they had any power over him. It was the one of the easiest ways to bring forth the Hulk, after all. 

“I was hoping we could have a chat.” Phil continued, bland smile on his face and hands clasped before him on the desk.

“Yeah, Darcy mentioned you would probably stop by at some point.” The wry twist of the other man’s lips implied she had used some of her more colorful names for the agent before flouncing off. Of course it also meant she’d known he wasn’t going to simply go along with what she’d asked. He and Ms. Lewis were in the long game, they wouldn’t be ceding each other acreage any time soon. 

“You’ve been missing a lot of meetings, of late.” Phil started, gazing evenly at the other man.

“Is there a question in that statement?” Bruce asked, running a thumb over a calibration machine. 

“Do I need to be worried about your sudden lack of control?” Phil asked, going straight for the neck of the conversation. One should always rip out the throat if given the opportunity, it was the fastest way to win. 

“On the contrary, one would think you would be pleased by my firm understanding of my limitations.” Bruce offered, a small smile on his face as he spoke. The throbbing kicked in at Phil’s temple and he sat up a touch straighter.

“One would note that all of your apparent limitations coincide with the things you dislike.” Phil replied calmly. 

“The, uh, third person thing? It’s starting to freak me out.” Bruce informed him, clear his throat as he moved a step closer to his desk, Phil sitting perfectly still behind it.

“Are you worried about being … ‘freaked out’” Oh the term did not sit well on Phil’s tongue. Bruce had picked that up from Darcy, no doubt, or Clint. Everyone else managed to speak like adults. 

“Do you mean am I afraid of growing seven sizes and turning inexplicably green?” Bruce cocked a sardonic brow at the other man and chuckled darkly. “No.” He wasn’t currently worried about Phil and he’d never been afraid of the man. As unassuming as Phil was it was easy to see why SHIELD had him on the payroll and knowing Bruce had an inkling of just how dangerous that made the man. Knowing he was dangerous meant he didn’t have to worry about being surprised by something he might one day do.

“I thought not.” Phil remarked casually, still watching Bruce, his eyes noting every breath, eye twitch, and movement of his hands and feet.

“Is this the part where you tell me I need to show up at meetings and add a sinister threat to the end?” Bruce asked after a few long moments of silence. 

“This is the part where I tell you I need you at mission debriefs unless medical says otherwise. There is no threat in that. This is your duty as part of the Avengers Initiative and if you cannot handle the requirements of your position, so be it.” Phil told him, standing up as Bruce let the words sink in. 

“Got it.” Bruce agreed, nodding once as his lips pinched into a frown and his shoulders curved forward, hunching to protect himself. Phil walked past him and lifted a hand, as though to pat him on the shoulder, and then thought better of it, striding past and leaving the lab and it’s occupant to silence.


	4. Chapter the Fourth: A Few Much-Needed Changes.

Phil had received a single line from Ms. Lewis after his meeting with Dr. Banner. In short she was unhappy with his maneuver, but had ultimately anticipated such action and thus, was unsurprised. However he had the strangest feeling, while reading that single line, that this was just the beginning of something which would be incredibly unpleasant and so he began to plan accordingly. 

Two weeks later, after a particularly intense battle with cybernetically enhanced chipmunks (and really it was best not to think of how much fun the evening talk shows would have with _that_ particular foe) no one showed up for the debrief at SHIELD interim HQ. Phil made three phone calls, took his brief case, and went out to meet his ride to Stark Tower. He made his way upstairs to the Avengers Levels where Darcy was waiting at the Elevators. 

“Agent Coulson, this way.” She smiled politely, but there was a gleam in her eyes which made his trigger finger twitch. She led him to what was previously an office and was now, apparently, a conference room. “As the Avengers Initiative moves forward and becomes an entity separate to, but still affiliated with, the Strategic Homeland Intervention and Enforcement Logistics Division, there will need to be some understandable modifications to the systems currently in place.” Darcy explained as they made their way inside. She gestured politely to a chair at the end of the table, the Avengers were grouped together on the far side. All of the Avengers. 

“Agent.” Tony nodded at him, a delighted grin on his face. He did enjoy a power play when he was the one who presumably had all of the power. 

“Mr. Stark.” Phil could play this game as well as Tony, and he was better at it. It was fun how the little things were the ones that bothered Tony. Referring to him as Mr. Stark made him think of his father and instantly ruffled his feathers. The smile on Tony’s face took on a hard edge and the man’s eyes narrowed. 

“It has been discussed, amongst those in the Avenger’s Initiative, that some of the requirements given by SHIELD are having a negative impact on both health and performance. As such they will be spending more time on individual training here at the Tower, as well as having all mission debriefs, and med checks done here as well. With JARVIS on hand, or in wall as the case may be, to keep an eye on everyone and alert the appropriate people should the need arise.” Darcy informed him as soon as he’d settled in his seat. She stayed standing, sticking to the strong suit. Her chin was raised a touch, daring him to do something the team wouldn’t approve of. Standing also set her apart from the rest of the team, showing him that she knew she was a separate entity with a different job to do. A job that was more self appointed than anything else, but she Darcy worked better with ambiguity anyhow.

“I see.” And he did see. In fact, he saw far more than he would ever admit to. The way Natasha turned out in her chair, her entire body facing him as she blocked Dr. Banner just a touch. She would defend him, even if it meant defending him from Phil. Clint wasn’t looking at him, instead he was looking straight ahead at a blank part of the wall. He didn’t want to cross Phil, his handler and a man he trusted to have his back at all times, but this was important to him. Thor sat completely still, his hands clasped atop the table as he stared at Phil with a pensive frown on his face. Ever the politician, he saw the reasoning of SHIELD but Banner was his teammate and as such the blood of the covenant would come first. Then there was Steve, who not only looked angry, he looked _disappointed_. 

“I’m glad.” Darcy’s lips quirked into a vague sort of smile and Phil swallowed reflexively, wanting to defend himself. She was pressing all his buttons today and no matter what the Director might say, she was a force to be reckoned and far more dangerous than she would ever want him to know. Or maybe she did want him to know. She certainly didn’t seem to play the game so obviously with anyone else. Or maybe that was Phil being more observant than most again. 

“Debriefings shall be held in the Tower from now on, I see no reason why SHIELD cannot accommodate this request. Please let me know should you have any other requests that will make the initiative run more smoothly.” Phil replied after he blinked and pulled himself back into the now. It was disconcerting how the young woman could distract him with just the gleam in her eye and the smirk on her lips. Disconcerting and dangerous. He felt the throb of a vein in his temple begin to pulse a painful staccato beat.


	5. Chapter the Fifth: How To Cover One’s Flanks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Fury is involved.

“Explain this to me.” Fury dropped the thin file onto his desk with a soft thump, his voice calm as his one good eye stared daggers into the man he assumed to be one of his best agents. Today he was wondering …

“It is the updated post mission procedures for the Avengers Initiative, Sir.” Coulson replied evenly. He had drawn up the appropriate paperwork, sent a copy to Darcy and let the woman collect the pertinent signatures and then scan them back to him. All while she apparently baked a pie for Steve to bring to Phil as an apology for playing hard ball with the man that they still respected. The fact that she sent it with Steve, who looked stern and a touch uncomfortable but was never one to pass up apple pie, sad quite a bit. She might make him wary, but she was back in his good graces. She sent Captain America to him with a _pie_. He had eaten _apple pie_ with _Steve Rogers_ and he might have fan boyed himself a bit during that time. 

“Why did it need to be updated.” Fury demanded, likely already knowing the answers. Phil’s lips quirked into the ghost of a smile.

“They are a team of singular heroes working together to save the world on behalf of SHIELD and citizens the world over. I find that letting them have their heads for a few lengths makes them tractable during the finishing stretch.” He informed his boss, not at all willing to admit that a woman the Director didn’t find in the least bit intimidating had tucked him neatly into a corner. The older man stared at him for a few long, silent moments.

“I fucking hate it when you use horse racing metaphors.” The director growled after a moment, leaning back in his chair with a heavy sigh. “This is your show, Agent, but only insofar as you keep those clowns in check and you make sure they stay on my good side.” 

“According to the rookies you don’t have one, sir.” Phil pointed out, his face bland and his tone one with just a touch of humor. The director laughed darkly and nodded.

“Then I’m doing my job. Alright, the new procedures are approved. Those jokers cross too many lines, though, and I’ll cut them off so fast they won’t know what direction their heads are spinning.” The man warned. Phil nodded once before turning on his heel and walking out of the office, wondering idly why he hadn’t brought up his concerns about Ms. Lewis and then dismissing them. If he couldn’t best a chit like her, he didn’t deserve his reputation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright kiddliwinks, this is the end of this section. It is not, however, the end of all. We still need to get through a few more characters and toss a little more irritation at everyone's favorite not-dead handler!


End file.
